We're Here To Help!
Raise the flag, fire up the barbecue and pour me a cold one. Independence Day never looked so good! This new monthly paperfree publication is our way of blowing off our fingers with firecrackers just because we can. Like owning a handgun, we've got a Website and we're going to use it. We're Americans! Never mind the price of gasoline, floods wiping out the Mid-West and the mess in Iraq, things are bound to get better, you watch. No matter who gets into the White House, or who wins the World Series this fall, it's a whole new ballgame. And we're here to help. That's why we're gathering signatures on this petition (see below). Download it, get everyone at the 4th of July picnic or block party to sign, and send it immediately! It's the New Activism for the 21st Century, and this Review is leading the way.
Rex Weiner, Weblisher/Editor-in-Chief
Wynn Resorts Holdings
3131 Las Vegas Blvd.
South Las Vegas NV 89109
Dear Mr. Wynn,
They're closing the prison at Guantanamo and the prisoners have nowhere to go. Some of them are probably holding onto a lot of crucial information, even after all the extreme interrogation :-) . The whole thing is costing us taxpayers (that includes you!) a bundle. We the undersigned believe you could do your country an enormous service by comping the prisoners at your Wynn Hotel for a week or two and giving them each $1000 in chips and tickets to your show, La Reve, or better yet, Siegfried & Roy. After two weeks of VIP room poker, $100 slots and room service, you tell them that's it, sorry — time to go back to Teheran, or Baghdad or whatever hellhole they came from, unless they talk now. Even the most tight-lipped bastards among them will be giving up terrorist secrets faster than seniors puking at the Prom after-party. Maybe some will even grow to like Las Vegas and come around to embracing our American way of life. It's a much better way to show the Muslim world what America is all about, especially if you throw in a few nice looking ladies. Maybe some of the escort agencies would donate services as a patriotic gesture (they could use the PR after the Spitzer debacle!).
As the King of Las Vegas Casinos, and a true blue American, Steve, you're the one we're betting on!
Sincerely, _____________________________ (fill in your name)